If At First You Don't Succeed
by An Arm and a Leg
Summary: Try, try again. After finally recovering from the fiasco known as the "San Buon Valentino" incident, Germany has finally "manned up" (Prussia's words) and decided to finally "confess his true feelings to the love of his life" (Hungary's words), Italy. Unfortunately, this isn't in his handbook. In an act of desperation, he turns to his older brother for advice.


**A/N: Don't worry, I'm alive.**

 **Hey, guys. I'm sorry I've been off the grid for so long. It's been...hard lately. I haven't been able to write much, mostly due to motivation problems. I can't say that I'm better? But, hey. I have a fic, so all's good, right? :)**

 **Sorry, this is sounding kind of depressing. Here, have a pointless but happy story to make up for it.** **This was actually written in the summer of 2015, but was never posted because I forgot to post it last Valentine's Day. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I went through it again to make sure it wasn't too cringey, of course, but to be honest it wasn't too bad. It's actually really cute and dorky, and I hope y'all like it!**

* * *

From: Ludwig Beilschmidt

To: Gilbert Beilschmidt

Date: Sat, Feb 7, 2017, at 12:33 PM

Subject: Help

Bruder,

I need some relationship advice. As I told you, I have had feelings for Italy for a long time. However, I'd like to note that as much as you may insist, I know that tying me to a chair and throwing Skittles at me in an attempt to make me "embrace my inner rainbow" is not the normal way to do it. I know that much about relationships and coming out to siblings.

In any case, I have finally decided that I need to confess my feelings. As you yourself are in a relationship (and I'm constantly wondering how), I was hoping that you could offer some actually helpful tips on how to "confess my gayness", as you so kindly put it.

Danke,

Ludwig

* * *

 **Ring. Ring.**

"Hallo?"

"Kesesesesesesese! About time you asked for my help!"

"Bruder-"

"Hush and let the awesome Prussia teach you some tips on dating! Now, first of all, don't confess straight out! That's unawesome and might scare him! You do remember what happened last time, ja?"

"Ja, bruder, and I thought we agreed to not talk about that!"

"Oh, fine. I don't know too much about what Feliciano likes, so that'll all be up to you! I'd tell you to do the same thing I did with Birdie, but that's not really your style."

"I still don't know how you managed to get Matthew to date you. He's too nice for you…"

"Hey, don't say things like that about your brother! Hm...maybe take him out to eat pasta? Oh!"

"...What?"

"You can ask Eliza! She knows more about this! I'll call her! Although she's probably off with Roddy…"

"Don't you-"

 **Click.**

"...Dare."

* * *

 **Ring. Ring.**

"Arschmade…" **Click.** "Yes…?"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"...Hungary, my ear."

"Sorry. But still! You're asking Feliciano out?! Oh, this is great! I knew my shipping sense was right! My OTP's becoming canon!"

"What? Ship? Why are you talking about boats? And what's an OTP?"

"Uh...nothing important. Now! I'm glad Gil called me! Finally, something he did that I'm glad about…Ahem. Anyways. I raised Feli, so I know exactly what he likes! Here's what you have to do!"

"Why me…?"

* * *

From: Gilbert Beilschmidt

To: Ludwig Beilschmidt

Date: Sat, Feb 10, 2017, at 10:06 PM

Subject: WTF

Luddy,

It's been three days. Three. Goddamn. Days. Why the hell haven't you made a move yet? Eliza and I are waiting!

Actually, Mattie, Eliza, Roddy, Antonio, Francis, Alfred and I are waiting. Arthur's too much of a "gentleman" to be waiting or care, and Lovino says that he'll rip off your balls if you hurt his brother.

You chickening out, or what? Get on with it!

The Awesome Prussia (whoiswaytooawesometobewaitingforthelikesofyou)

* * *

From: Ludwig Beilschmidt

To: Gilbert Beilschmidt

Date: Sat, Feb 7, 2017, at 10:10 PM

Subject: Re: WTF

What the hell?! You told people?! YOU TOLD ROMANO OUT OF ALL OF THEM?! What is wrong with you?!

And I'm not chickening out! I'm just waiting for the right moment, okay?!

* * *

From: Gilbert Beilschmidt

To: Ludwig Beilschmidt

Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2017, at 10:13 PM

Subject: Re: WTF

"Waiting for the right moment".

Go faster. You have four days. Don't be a pussy.

* * *

From: Ludwig Beilschmidt

To: Feliciano Vargas

Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2017, at 2:43 PM

Subject: Question

Feliciano,

I was just wondering...would you like to

 _Draft saved_

* * *

From: Gilbert Beilschmidt

To: Ludwig Beilschmidt

Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2017, at 2:43 PM

Subject: Re: WTF

And don't send him an email! That's so unawesome! Ask him out on the phone or something! I can see you writing the email from across the room, dammit! (*cough*Manupandgrowsomeballslikeme.*cough*)

* * *

 **Ring. Ring.**

"Ve~ Hi, Luddy!"

"H-Hallo, Feli…"

"Ve? What's wrong, Luddy? You sound nervous. And you're never nervous."

"N-Nein, it's just…"

"Just…?"

"I-Feliciano. Will you go out with me on Valentine's Day?"

"Of course, Luddy!"

"I know that this is sudden, but I-Wait. Really?"

"Yes! But...what's so important about Valentine's Day? Don't we always go out?"

"...Luddy?"

 _Grow some balls. Never thought I'd quote bruder…_ "Feli. Will you go on a _date_ with me?"

"...A date? You mean… a _date_ date? The ones where they kiss...and, do lovey-dovey stuff? Like...the ones that Lovi and Antonio have that usually end up with them having-"

"NO! NOT THAT FAR!"

"Oh...uh...well…"

"I-agh. Forget I asked."

"No, no. I mean, yes! Yes, I'll go on a date with you!"

"...Really?"

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I've been waiting for this for years!"

"But...Buon San Valentino…"

"You caught me off guard then...I mean, it's not that often that I get proposed to! I was going to say something, but then..."

"...Oh…"

"..."

"Well...uh...where do you want to go? I'll pick you up…"

* * *

From: Feliciano Vargas

To: Ludwig Beilschmidt

Date: Sat, Feb 14, 2017, at 10:43 PM

Subject: Tonight

Luddy,

Thank you for the date. I had a lot of fun. It was nice, being able to just be with you…

I'm sorry if this sounds weird for a first date, but...I love you.

Feli

* * *

From: Ludwig Beilschmidt

To: Feliciano Vargas

Date: Sat, Feb 14, 2017, at 10:44 PM

Subject: Re: Tonight

I had a lot of fun as well. And...I love you, too. Will you...will you be my boyfriend?

* * *

From: Feliciano Vargas

To: Ludwig Beilschmidt

Date: Sat, Feb 14, 2017, at 10:45 PM

Subject: Re: Tonight

Of course~

* * *

From: Ludwig Beilschmidt

To: Gilbert Beilschmidt

Date: Sat, Feb 15, 2017, at 7:10 AM

Subject: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU.

THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO NEED TO LEAVE A BOX OF CONDOMS OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM DOOR OR A NOTE TALKING ABOUT USING PROTECTION.

WHEN YOU GET BACK FROM MATTHEW'S HOUSE YOU ARE SO DEAD.


End file.
